Assignment: Turn a verbal debate on the topic of ‘Fishing is Unsporting’ into a piece of prose. (400 words)
Fergus, the Philosophising Fish: a One-sided Debate
by Susan Wayman
You know, some of us fish are rather intelligent. It may be news to you that we do not all have brains like goldfish, in fact, I find the term “goldfish brain” extremely offensive, and non PC.
It may surprise you to know that our existence is not merely about survival (individually, as well as survival of our species) but we also have downtime for entertainment.
My favourite entertainment is watching movies, although I found Jaws particularly frightening. Finding Nemo is much more my cup of tea!
I am not a particularly sporty kind of fish myself (though I do swim around a lot for my personal fitness) but some of my fishy friends and family are.
My cousin Fineas, and his family, enjoy a game of cricket whenever they can. They are also a pretty philosophical bunch and are always saying that they learn life lessons from playing. For instance, I have heard them say many times when things are unfairly stacked against them, “But it’s just not cricket!”
My nephew Freddy’s hobby is nibbling, and I can’t tell you how much we have warned him and warned him about the tasty morsels that get lowered down into the sea on the end of a hook and line. He’s in his teenage years, and of course, he thinks he knows it all!
Unfortunately, last week he really did learn his lesson. He was out with his girlfriend, Fenella, when they saw a big juicy worm being lowered into the sea. Apparently, they were taking turns at nibbling when all of a sudden Fenella was overcome by greed, and an extraordinary lack of self-control. She opened her mouth as wide as she could, clamped down on the worm, and was suddenly gone straight up out of the water, knocked unconscious, and filleted, ready for supper. There was just no consoling Freddy. “Freddy” , I said, to him, you’re going to have to get over her (after all, there are plenty more fish in the sea), and find yourself a safer hobby. Through his tears, I counselled him “those human low lives” think fishing is a sport. They are so heartless they even have competitions to see who can catch the biggest fish. He nodded, finally getting the message.
Now he knows only too well, through personal experience, that Fishing is Unsporting.