Write a comical fact, fiction or faction story using the following homonyms (words that sound the same but have different meanings) at least once: ate | eight bare | bear chews | choose kernel | colonel sight | site (500 words maximum)
Look It Up Dad!
by Deborah McDermott
Little Tommy’s lip quivered. He’d never seen his Dad so mad, but even more upsetting was seeing his yummy apricot kernel about to be tossed into the bin.
“Please don’t throw it away!” he cried, tugging desperately at his father’s hand.
“For goodness sake, Tommy, let go! You can’t eat this thing. I won’t let you.”
“But why not? I ate one yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before…”
“You did what?”
Tommy heard the fear in his father’s voice and instinctively backed away. He’d only ever been spanked once on his bare bum and couldn’t bear the thought of it happening again.
“Have I done something wrong, Dad?”
“No, of course not,” his father said, kneeling down to look him in the eye. “It’s just that… Well, you’re only eight. Far too young to know how dangerous these things are.”
Tommy stared at his father and suddenly realised his parent didn’t know what he knew.
“It’s all right Dad. I know apricot kernels have cyanide in them but they’re only poisonous if you eat too many all at once. But they’re really good for you if you only eat two or three each day.”
“And who on earth told you that fairytale?”
“The Colonel did.”
“What! That ex-military crank who lives in that old dump site of a house?”
“Yes!” Tommy enthused. “He told me apricot kernels help fight cancer. He can prove it too. They got rid of a tumour in his wife’s eye and he now chews three apricot kernels every day since she got her sight back. So does she.”
“Apricot kernels healed her? I don’t believe it!”
“Well go ask them yourself, then, Dad. It’s true. I swear.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“Because I saw how sick the Colonel’s wife was before, Dad. You did too. Besides, you can also use the internet to check how good apricot kernels are, like I did.”
“You did?”
“Sure. I didn’t understand everything I read because the words were too big. Not everyone says apricot kernels are good for you, but some do. And if they’re good enough to heal the Colonel’s wife, then shouldn’t we choose to eat them too so that we don’t get sick in the first place?”
Tommy waited patiently while his Dad processed his question. He knew what he was thinking because he’d thought the same thing himself. What if they’d known about the benefits of eating apricot kernels before his mother had become so ill? Would the cancer have still robbed her of her life or would she be here with them today, perfectly well and healthy? Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. He had only been six when she’d gone to Heaven so didn’t remember much except the pain of being without her. He didn’t want to go through that again with his father.
“Please Dad, look it up,” he pleaded.
“I will,” his father answered with tears in his eyes. “I surely will.”